Choosing NOT do Comedy Full-Time might have saved my life

I have have been sitting on writing this blog post for a while because I have so many thoughts that I want to share, and it’s kind of hard to know where to start. I told myself though I would sit down and actually write this life update and blog post when I was able to sit down in my own living room, in my own apartment, as I drink coffee and start the day from the comforts of my own apartment.

And here we are, so here I go.

Cue the Arrow music, deepen my voice, play the internal montage, and let’s get into the latest episode of my life.

My name is Drew Davis. 3 years ago I quit my full time job to pursue a career in standup comedy. Since then I have traveled all over the country performing everywhere and anywhere with the hopes to climb the entertainment ladder and become a nationally touring headliner while building a profitable career, doing what I love. I’ve produced shows, started a podcast, became a comedian consultant, and had so much fun going to many places and meeting so many fun people. But about 3 months ago, I realized something was seriously missing in my life. Despite the fact that I was following my dream and working harder then I had ever worked at in anything in my life, I was not happy, and if I am honest with myself, I was more miserable then I had ever been in my entire life. I knew then, that I needed to become someone else, and do something else.

(OK that last line is cheesy and a bit dramatic, but it fits with the Arrow theme I was going for)

—–

TV show intro spoofs aside…Since I have started this journey I have done my best to be transparent and honest with folks about my experience as a full-time entertainer. I have not been shy about sharing my successes, but I have also attempted to share my challenges as well with the hopes that it would help or comfort anyone who is going through similar circumstances. Standup Comedy is often a solo endeavor and as such it’s really tempting to think that “I am the only one going through this.” But the truth is, after having worked with and consulted for many other comedians, we’re all dealing with the same crap in this industry and we are more alike then many comedians realize. All of our human experiences, as it turns out, is more common then you might think. The same is true with comedy.

So in this article, I’m going to cover 3 questions I’d like to pretend an interviewer was asking me if I was famous enough to be interviewed. “What went wrong?”, “What’s better?”, and “What now?”

What Went Wrong?

I realize now that my logic for achieving my comedy dream was deeply flawed. If you asked me 3 years ago how I was going to build my career, I would have likely told you about my 4 Rules, which I have often thought about getting tattooed on my arm…and Thank God I did not!

Rule 1: Comedy Comes First
Rule 2: Don’t be a Jerk
Rule 3: Nobody will Outwork Me
Rule 4: There is no Plan B

Rule #1 caused me to justify all the sacrifices I was making. I sold everything and moved back into my mom’s house and (For me) took a few steps back. Any time I felt the impact of this, I would justify it by saying “I’m saving money and it’ll all work out when I get back on my feet professionally.”

“Comedy Comes First” allowed me to justify not producing a livable income and pushing myself into poverty financially.

I also want to note here there were actually a lot of unforeseen benefits of moving back in with my mom that are not relevant to this article, but I do want to note the positives (vaguely) as I am noting the negatives.

In addition to allowing me to justify financial poverty, Rule #1 (and Rule #3) has also allowed me to justify emotional and social poverty as well.

For the past 3 years I have had no life outside of Standup Comedy. Sure, I would sometimes justify things like “Well, I’m watching and talking about movies with friends for this podcast, so basically my social life” but truthfully it was all going back to building my comedy career.

I stopped hanging out with friends outside of work, or doing fun “non-comedy related” things. I knew this was a problem when people would ask me how’s life and I had no real answer other then things that were tied to my job. There was nothing exciting or relevant about me that was separate from standup comedy…It was like I was in a toxic relationship and comedy was the abuser, but I didn’t recognize it.

And perhaps the most damaging of the rules, was Rule #4. Anytime the rational part of my brain was trying to note the issues and problems of my lifestyle and choices, and coming close to producing a solution, I literally would tell myself (Sometimes out loud!) “It sounds like you’re creating a Plan B…and there are no Plan B’s” And then I would ignore my own reasoning, and keep pushing forward.

And perhaps the most ironic part is that by religiously following Rules 1, 3, and 4, I was in fact becoming a jerk, which was a direct violation of Rule #2.

I was struggling to be happy, content, filled with joy, satisfied, or whatever you want to call it. Every day was a grind, and many of those days it felt like I was a truck wheel stuck in a mud pit, spinning so hard and going nowhere.

I was becoming such a negative person (internally. I pride myself on hiding my negativity so hopefully you didn’t see it.). It was hard for me to celebrate the successes of my comedian friends because deep down I was upset that I wasn’t getting those opportunities. (Christians call this Coveting, and it’s a sin)

Also, in hindsight, I was also showing a lot of symptoms of someone struggling with depression. (Weight loss, lack of excitement towards usually exciting things, a lot more apathy then usual, etc.)

I should mention that this is how I felt at almost all times with one significant exception. Whenever I was performing on stage, I felt (and feel) more alive then ever. It is literally my favorite thing, and sometimes, truthfully, the only time I feel happy or complete. But if we’re being honest, that’s not the definition of fulfillment, that’s the definition of an addiction.

Hello, my name is Drew Davis and I am addicted to Standup Comedy.

In the past 3 years when I have said this, I have usually followed it with statements like, “But at least it’s not meth, or something actually harmful.” Now I am ready to admit that maybe, for me, Comedy has been a little harmful. But not comedy itself, the fact that I have let it be my “Only Thing” for so long. From a Christian perspective, maybe it’s safe to say Comedy had become my God, and that’s called Idolatry…which is also a sin.

I recently heard a quote from an actress on a podcast where she said, “No one thing should ever become your whole identity.” and she should know, she was in prison for years for being the righthand in a cult and did a lot of bad things that she fully justified because of her faith in this cult. Comedy had become my cult, and I am currently in the process of not allowing myself to be defined by any “one thing.”

For example, I am not “A youth pastor”, “A Comedian”, or “A Program Coordinator” those are just things that I do, or have done. I am so much more then just my job….that’s cheesy, probably, but it’s helping me as I work through all my issues.

More irony in this whole situation is that while I’ve been having my own struggles being addicted to comedy and miserable, I’ve been teaching countless comedy classes where I constantly harp that “Rule #1 in comedy is that Comedy HAS to be fun. If Comedy isn’t fun, there is no point.”

I finally realized a few months ago that since comedy had become a profession for me, it has lost a lot of it’s “Fun” value, and that’s a problem. I guess I finally took my own advice, and recognized that comedy was more fun for me as a side hustle.

And so with a deep breath and ready to admit I had let things get to far, In October I decided it was time to apply for a full time job and adjust my priorities in a way that would guide me to a more healthy life on all fronts. I’m happy to say, so far, it’s been successful.

What’s Better?

For context, sometime at the end of September after maybe my most successful month in Comedy ever, I decided that my priorities needed to shift and I started applying for full-time jobs in a variety of fields. I started a new job in November, and over the past few weeks have been navigating that as well as moving into a new apartment closer to Work. My furniture just arrived yesterday and I have been loving writing this article from the comforts of my living room.

So one thing that is better, is that I have consistent income and a place of my own. But that’s not even the most positive change that I have experienced over the past couple of months.

I think the lack of pressure for comedy related things has been such a breath of fresh air for me. If you aren’t a full time comic yet, and want to become one someday, I want to encourage you not to rush it, and enjoy the perks of it not being a full time gig while you can. (And then one day, you can enjoy the perks of it being a full time gig!) It’s so awesome to go and try new jokes at an open mic and NOT feel the pressure that “this has to be successful enough to make me money soon!” It’s great to just try your jokes and see what happens.

It’s also been wonderful to take the gigs I want, and pass on the ones I don’t…without the thought of, “I better take this…because it’s a paycheck!” or “Maybe this crappy gig will open a door to a better gig.” It’s also wonderful to not stress about the months that I don’t have as full of a calendar.

I am sure this is obvious, but comedy is so much more fun when you get to pick and choose which entertainment things you want to do. I am not a huge fan of feeling like I have to post regularly on social media to gain new followers and it’s been great over the past couple of months not doing that. I’ll probably post more content later, or maybe I won’t…and that’s okay too!

The comedy world has become more enjoyable to me now that it’s not my only world. Chatting with friends off stage, not feeling like I am competing against literally everyone, has been nice. I’m happier which means I can enjoy other comedian’s success more without feeling bad about myself. Maybe you don’t struggle with that…but I most certainly did.

Not to sound like a jerk to my comedy friends, but another one of the best perks of my lifestyle change is being around “non comedy people.” I enjoy my co-workers, and working a job where I am not the center of everything. When you’re a performer you are the salesman and the product! You spend many hours a week thinking about yourself, and it’s hard not to become self centered. Now, I spend 8 hours a day doing something that isn’t “Me-Focused” and then I can spend the evening or a Saturday focusing on my comedy career…and it’s just nice to not always be thinking about Me.

A fear I had, and sometimes still have, is that I’m throwing my whole life away and everyone will judge me for “giving up on my dream and getting a boring day job.” (That’s not the reality, but that’s what i feel sometimes.) Another positive note I want to mention is how encouraging other comedians and everyone around me has been about my life change…maybe they knew this is for the best way before I did. My family did for sure, it was the best news ever for my mom when I told her I was applying for full time jobs. (Maybe because she knew that would mean I’d be moving out soon!)

I was afraid comedians were going to judge me but it’s been really nice as I’ve gone to shows and open mics when they have come up to me and asked how my new job is, or how apartment hunting has been going. As a whole, they’ve been encouraging and it’s made a huge difference in the ease of this transition…All my fears were completely self imposed and not at all the reality of my situation.

Also it turns out people don’t think about me as often as I think they do. I quit full time entertainment and the world has kept spinning and it hasn’t ruined anyone’s life. I haven’t let anyone down, and my people don’t love me any less. If you’re ever considering this shift, I just need you to know that your people will love you the same too…Don’t let the fear of letting others down or being seen as a quitter or failure stop you from reclaiming your own peace and wellbeing. This is huge, and I hope helps someone who needs to read it.

What Now?

I’ve had to downsize my Comedy Production a bit as I’ve eased into the transition of a new job and moving, but that doesn’t mean I am done being a comedian, producer, and whatever else I do.

I am still running the Clean Comedy Collective and hoping to still guide it to some growth to become a great and positive network and community for comedians.

I’m still producing my monthly Sweetwaters show, and potentially will do more locally here in Nashville as far as productions go. I might even start a show with where I work too, but I don’t know yet. I’m still trying to reclaim the “Fun” of comedy and currently am enjoying only doing it when I want to.

I am still booking and traveling when I can. I get a fair amount of vacation time which I’ll absolutely use to travel and perform. I also get off at 4:30 every Monday through Friday so I’m hoping to be more active in the Nashville scene and continue to grow my act. Feel free to reach out with booking inquiries!

I’m still teaching and consulting, in fact I have to wrap up this article soon to make it to a consulting gig. I was very afraid that people will find my services less appealing now that I am not a “Full Time Comedian” but I’ve still been getting consulting work and the best part…if I don’t, I still have consistent income!

Podcasting is on an indefinite hold for me until I get my office and creative space in my home up and running. I’m still not 100% sure I’ll want to do a new podcast but I think I might. I already have a few ideas and loved my experience with The Quarter Mile Podcast, so we’ll see.

I don’t know about this blog. I think I’ll keep writing when I have something to post, but I am not sure how much content or article ideas that I will have. Let me know if you have any suggestions!

My fear was that gaining a day job would kill my comedy life but I think it might have saved it. Had I kept going the way I was going I would have burned out before to long on so many levels, which would have likely meant the end of Comedy for me. I think even though i may be doing less now, the less I am doing will be better and definitely more fun. That phrase “Less is More” definitely seems applicable here.

————-

Thank you so much for reading this long article and I hope it’s helped someone in some kind of way. Feel free to comment below with any thoughts, questions, or whatever. Unless your one of those bots that keep trying to comment on my Quarter Mile Entertainment pages…if that’s you, please leave.

But for everyone else, have a great day!