Hey Jealousy!

There are probably tons of articles out there about the importance of not getting jealous of others.

“Being jealous is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.”

These are probably great articles to read, because jealousy can be really toxic to you if you don’t take control of it or learn to move past it.

But this isn’t one of those articles.

If you’re reading this blog you are probably a comedian.

And as a comedian, you probably struggle with a healthy view of yourself. Sometimes you have no self esteem, but other times you are confident enough in yourself to get on stage, because YOU have something to offer the rest of the world.

And the same kind of person that feels that way, will likely struggle with being jealous of others when they get opportunities you think…excuse me…you KNOW that you deserve.

So today I’m going to try to offer a different approach to self help to you in regards to the natural jealousy that will come with doing comedy. So instead of saying “Don’t be Jealous of other comedians” this is the premise of today’s blog post.

If you care about being a comedian, it’s natural for you to get jealous of the other comedians around here.

Here are healthy ways of directing that jealousy.

Be Objective

“How did they get booked there? I should be booked there!”

Okay…maybe you should. Now it’s time to genuinely answer that question: How did they get booked?

Who did they connect with? Can you connect with the same person?

What is it about them that’s appealing to whoever landed them the gig? Is that something you can adopt?

Here’s a question you are going to hate….Are they genuinely funnier then you? If yes, then what do you need to do to get to that level?

This may get me in trouble, but sometimes what gets someone books has nothing to do with their skill or talent. It’s the entertainment industry, and people 100% get booked because they’re hot and the booker is hoping…erhm, “Something else” happens.

DEI booking is 100% a thing. Someone might get booked because their black, or a woman, or gay. Someone else may get booked at a different venue because they’re white, male, and straight. Comedy isn’t fair and whoever is putting together the gig holds all the power. For better or for worse.

Sometimes you get the gig because you fit what they want. And sometimes you don’t get the gig for the essentially the opposite reason.

We all hate this, until it’s the exact reason we get booked and then it feels like less of a problem.

As you are being jealous of someone who got that amazing gig you were hoping, don’t be afraid to ask the question “But why DID they get booked?” Many things you will have no control over. But there might be some factors that you do have a say in.

Be Patient and Consistent

A comedian friend taught me a wonderful phrase a while back which is, “That opportunity wasn’t meant for me.” The longer you do comedy and the “higher up” you get in this field, the smaller your group of peers will be and the bigger opportunities you all will be going for.

Which means where as at open mic level, you have 60 to 100 comics (or way more depending on where you live) gunning for the same dive bar showcase, eventually you might have 4 or 5 comics applying for the TV special. All 5 comics are probably funny because they’ve made it this far, but only 1 is going to get the spot.

If you didn’t get that spot, what did you do wrong? Maybe nothing. That was the other comedian’s time, and yours is coming.

Keep trying, keep growing, keep applying for gigs and opportunities. The worst thing you can do if you’re wanting to get booked is to quit trying.

Sure, you may FEEL like you have a 5% chance of actually being booked or selected for the gig when you apply…That may be true, or maybe it’s not? But I’ll tell you something that is 100% true…You will have a 0% chance of getting booked if you don’t send that avails email or submission request.

When you find yourself jealous that the other comedian got “your” gig (Which it wasn’t), let that jealousy fuel you to keep applying

OR

Let that jealousy fuel you to go find something else or move in a different direction. Dust the rejection off and go find something better if you genuinely feel that you will never get that position.

(Try to be) Happy for the Other Comic

OK I’ll be the first to admit…this one sucks and is really hard to do.

But let’s take a moment and acknowledge a truth here. The problem isn’t so much that other comedian got the gig, it’s that you did not get it. If there was a world where you both got the gig, you probably wouldn’t be as angry and jealous.

Let’s be honest. You and I both know how hard it is to progress in comedy.

Many times the comedians that received the gig/opportunity you were hoping for is working just as hard as you are. And yes, that’s not always the case but still…maybe there is a reality where you can be happy for someone who got something they didn’t earn.


I believe that we can do both. We can be jealous when someone gets the opportunity we worked so hard for and say, “Bummer, I really wanted that!” And then in the next breath say, “Congratulations that you got that! I am happy for the success that you are experiencing, and it is not related to me and my comedy journey.”

Don’t let your jealousy bring you down to a negative place. Instead, appreciate the fact that your jealousy is showing you that this is something that you really want, and let it fuel you to work harder towards that goal.

Those were some things to “DO” with Jealousy, now let me share with you a couple of “DON’T’s”

Don’t Cry About It

No booker ever in the history of Comedy has ever read a bitter social media post or listened to a comic complaining about how unfair comedy is and thought to themselves,

“Wow, that’s a good point! Let me book this person today!”

When you’re jealous about something in comedy, keep it to yourself. Sure, you should maybe share it with your priest, spouse, or non comedy friend who you are comfortable venting to…but whatever you do, don’t share it with other comedians.

Well, hold on…Maybe you have comic friends who you are in the trenches with and you all have a truly strong relationship where you can talk about this kind of stuff…That’s okay.

But don’t share it with the comedians or people that you hope will book you on a show. For example, is if you are doing an out of town gig and they say “Hey do you work (Your local club?)”, the WORST thing you can say is something like, “No! They never book me because they just pick the same 10 people, and they wouldn’t notice good hilarious talent if it slapped them in the face.”

Even if that’s true, no booker will hear that and think, “Oh, well let me book you now then!”

And don’t unload on social media about the injustice in your comedy scene. Don’t do it. I know you want to. And I know it feels great. But don’t be that guy, that guy usually doesn’t get booked. It might be therapeutic (I know it is) but it is not going to do you any tangible favors.

Trust me, I wish I could tell past me this.

I am a booker now, and when comics come up to me and complain about how they are never getting booked and want to be booked on my shows…it’s like a gross “Don’t Book Me” stench that is radiating off them.

So trust me, even if your struggling with jealousy, in your comedy scene, it’s probably best to keep it to yourself.

Don’t Let The Jealousy Change Who You Are At Your Core

If you’re jealous of another comedian’s success, DO let it motivate you to grow and do better to reach that kind of level, if it’s appropriate.

But don’t let your jealousy of other “more successful” comedians make you change into someone that you are not. In general, this is not a good thing for you as a person…and also, it’s probably not an effective way to get booked more. (In my opinion, for comedians, Authenticity sells.)

Here’s a story I have about this:

It’s a commonly known fact that if you want to get booked at MOST bigger comedy clubs, the easiest way into that world is to hang out with the “gang” before, during, and after shows.

Go smoke weed with them and become friends with them until you’re accepted enough where they invite you to dinner after the show. Go out to dinner and deepen your relationships with the other comedians (which usually comes in the form of listening to them talk crap about other comedians, and then you agree) until someone says “Hey man, what are you doing next Thursday? Want to do a 10 minute spot at my show?” Do that 10 minute spot, impress everyone, get booked for more spots….That’s how you get in.

When I first started comedy I learned very quickly I am not a “hang out back and smoke weed” or “live in the green room and be a cool hang” comedian. I don’t smoke, and I don’t drink. And whenever I try to “hang and be cool” I’m just more awkward. At my core, I’m a relatively boring and uneventful person.

And when I TRY to be the cool hang, it’s so painfully obvious that I am only hanging around you because I want you to book me for your show…it’s very inauthentic, and trying to be “that guy” has never done me any favors.

Good for you if that’s you, it’s simply not me. I’m the boring guy that doesn’t smoke or drink, or go hang at the cool kids table. And for years I thought “and that’s why I don’t get booked.”

And I was wrong.

Just like there are the venues, bookers, and headliners that are looking for the comedians that are the “cool hang” that will smoke or whatever with them…there are also the bookers/venues/headliners that are looking for the boring guy…and I’m THEIR guy!

I am fortunate this year to be traveling with a headliner that has provided me with regular work and it wasn’t my act (entirely) that got me this gig…It was the fact that i don’t smoke or get drunk, and I’m a relatively boring dude that works clean. These are the traits that she looks for when trying to find her features, and they are exactly the same traits that would make me unbookable for other headliners.

The moral of this story is YOU be YOU, and allow your authenticity to open doors for your comedy career.

It’s normal and natural to get jealous when other comedians get the opportunities and gigs you deserve. When that happens, let the jealousy motivate you to grow into a better version of yourself as a comedian…however, don’t let it move you to being someone you are not. Jealousy can motivate us, or it can work against us.

You’re an adult , figure it out! I believe in you. Thanks for reading!

How do you feel about jealousy as it relates to standup comedy? Am I right or wrong to say that it’s kind of okay and can be used to our advantage? Feel free to share your thoughts, comments, and feedback below!

And as always, if you have any questions or comedy related topics you’d like me to cover in this blog…Share em!